News Flash - You're Not Good Enough

Remember when you're first grade teacher said you could be whatever you wanted? She lied. Unless you dreamed of being a cubicle jockey and driving a Ford Pinto, things have not gone according to plan. In fact, if you have the time and inclination to read this, you are neither rich nor interesting, meaning you've achieved nothing.

Never fear, just because Mrs. Jones was a lying cunt doesn't mean you have to trudge through life perpetually disappointed. Just shift your paradigm. Pretend that your goal was to drown in debt and wake up alone in a puddle of your own vomit. Knock down the walls of standards and embrace your inner waste of space.

Now go out and take on the day.