Sometimes Your Friends Suck

Sometimes your friends are douche bags and there's nothing you can do about it because it's too late to make new friends. Ultimately, there comes a time in every friendship when your friend is an utter disappointment. Normally this would be a good time to walk away from the relationship, but the likelihood is that you will be incapable of finding another person who is remotely tolerable, so you might as well selectively forget whatever twatastic infraction it was that said friend committed and go out for a drink. You can secretly make a Voodoo doll with shed hair you found in their car and stab the shit out of its eyes later that evening. Of course, everyone knows that Voodoo doesn't work, but it's a nice way to fill the time between crying jags and bouts of heavy drinking.

In truth, your shitty friend is just serving his role in the craptacular disaster parade we call life. This is all your bad because you expect too much. Boiled down, life is simply a series of disappointments strung together with fleeting moments of a delusion we like to call "happiness." You might also know it as "cocaine," but let's not get hung up on semantics.