Your Office Hates Pets

Why is it ok to bring your kids to work, but not your pets? This is racism against people who hate kids and we can't stand for it. HR seems to believe that pets are bad for the workplace because people might be allergic to them or afraid of them, or possibly that someone might bring in a rabid possum that they think is cute, but in actuality is just a dirty rat-thing they befriended in their garage while they were hiding the bodies.

First, let me say that a mild allergic reaction or a little pants-peeing caused by a dog is nothing compared to the 72-hour stomach flu your devil-baby is spreading around. You know, the one where you have to sit on the toilet with a trash can in front of you because crap is just shooting out of everywhere? No, you don't know because your as immune to his dysentery as you are to the concept of not being a douche.

It's also pretty inefficient when you force your co-workers to fill in for your nanny as you jaunt around the office making copies or what not. Why are you so much more important than the rest of us? What's wrong with daycare? Isn't it enough that you've ruined our movies, our malls, our restaurants, and our public parks? Do you have to take work too?