The Celebrity “Get Out Of Work Free” Card

Just imagine…if you were a movie star, you could stumble through a Bacchanalian bender that would make Keith Richards proud, then skip the next few days of work and blame it all on “exhaustion.”

Unfortunately, the only folks who get to skip work because of exhaustion are millionaire celebrities, and you’re just a worthless piece of shit like the rest of us. Sure, you probably have more reason to be “exhausted” than these clowns – i.e. your mind-numbing job, your crippling debt, the fact that it’s 110 degrees outside and it costs $1,500 a month to air-condition your home – but it doesn’t matter. You’re still just a worthless piece of shit, and you’re still going to have to show up to work on Wednesday morning, bleary eyed and smelling like Kentucky Bourbon and late-night Taco Cabana.

The trade off? At least nobody’s ever going to write embarrassing stories about you in US Weekly.