When did we get so Moist?

When did Americans get so fucking moist? If you need a tube of chapstick and a bottle of water to get through a 30 minute meeting, you are too moist and a horrific ass. Now that terrorists have tried to kill people with liquid explosives, this issue is coming to the forefront. Suddenly we are faced with the prospect of being trapped on a flying death machine not only with potential suicide bombers, but also without our precious lotions and water-bottles. Stop worrying about making it for five hours without a tube of lotion. No amount of lotion is going to fix the fact that you're ugly, not even on a plane.

This problem goes beyond copious liquid consumption and cream smearing. Being moist is turning us into a bunch of drippy pussies. Things like earthworms, tadpoles, and men's farts are moist. Tough people aren't moist. Look at Clint Eastwood. He's shriveled as a prune and drier than an old biddy's vag but he can still kick the cellulite cream off you ginormous ass even though he's about 100.