Gwyneth Paltrow has Done it All

We can all stop trying now. Gwyneth Paltrow has officially won life after doing it all by the age of 33. Apparently, after doing it all, GP has such wisdom to offer as, "I do not know how single mothers have more than one child with no help. It requires so much of my life, and I don't have to change sheets and clean toilets, you know." I don't know, I guess between toilet scrubbing and bed changing, regular people occasionally get pregnant because they are too poor and ignorant to know that they shouldn't be reproducing and polluting up the world with a bunch of dirty cunts who just get in the way of celebrities.

So to Gwyneth, I offer this advice: it's probably time to die. You've already scoreboarded the rest of us by attaining fulfillment. Is it really fair to waste natural resources just hanging around for the next 50 years? I mean, if 33 is enough life for Jesus, it's probably enough for you, right?



The saddest part of this is that I always kind of liked Gwyneth. She seemed sort of down to earth. As it turns out doing it all makes you a stupid slag.