Americans Are Still Fat

After spending 3 weeks overseas, I returned to see that you are all still fat. Way to go. You should be proud that you are so noticeably rotund. If you don't have any respect for yourselves, at least have the courtesy to not make others want to scratch out their own eyes, you sweaty, gelatinous mounds of wuss goo.

It's bad enough that you are lazy shits with no self control, but it's downright criminal that you let you kids get fat. I know that Americans love to go to parenting classes, so I find it hard to believe that no one has ever told you that your 3-year-old doesn't need a six-pack of Pepsi and a Snickers bar as an afternoon snack. Every time I see your fat kid, I want to cry and then kick you in your reproductive gear to make sure you never burden another life-form with your ridiculous lack of common sense.

Please die.