Things that Annoy me now

1) People who put up photos of just themselves. Not them and their spouse. Not them and their child. Not even them in front of some meaningful landmark or at graduation or something. Just them. Even worse, a painting of themselves. Over the mantel. Or over their bed. You're obviously a total cunt wrapped in a steaming pile of shit wrapped in a dirty asshole. Why would you want to look at that all day?

2) Public toilets that flush with nuclear force shooting poo-water onto hapless bystanders. Is there anyone who can generate a poo of such mass that it requires the force of Niagara Falls to cram it into our sewer system? If such a dense poo were created, would its mass be so great that a black hole would be formed sucking the pooer into an alternate universe where they would embarrassingly materialize in the sky with their pants around their ankles before succumbing to gravity and falling to their death? Something to think about ...

3) People using the phone when email is readily available. Why should we have to hold some antiquated gizmo to our ear to ignore your annoying voice when we could be surfing the internet and ignoring your emails instead.