Your Dog Is Cooler Than You Are

Your dog is always happy and playful. You’re a depressing bore.

Your dog runs and jumps and plays. You hardly walk more than ten feet a day.

Your dog loves people and is excited to meet new ones. You’re a pissy cunt who gets made fun of.

Your dog has personality. You have tics and affectations.

Your dog is true to his doggy nature. You pretend to be rich, powerful, and important.

Your dog eats bugs. You eat Whataburger.

People stop to pet your dog. Nobody’s laid a hand on you since 2001.

If your house was on fire, chances are the firemen would save your dog first, and leave your ass to fry like bacon. And the world would be a better place for it.