Your Graduate Degree is Worthless

Spending 2 - 5 years getting a graduate degree was a waste. You'll still go only as far as you can coast on looks, charm, and daddy's money. And if you could have gotten far with any of those, you wouldn't have wasted your youth studying.

Ever since 9-11, every schmo has an MBA. You're just another idiot who wasted the severance package from his telecom job on tuition when you should have spent it on hookers. And if you have a PhD, you're just an idiot whose lesser-degreed boss resents him and will never promote him.

If you're getting a graduate degree now, let me give you a glimpse at your future:

You'll graduate in a few years to find the economy in the shitter. You'll search for a job for months, meanwhile toiling as a waiter, house painter, or freelance writer. You'll finally take a corporate job doing something that couldn't be further from what you dreamed you'd be doing after convincing yourself you can use the crap job as a stepping stone. You can't. This crap job is now your career. You'll be earning tens of thousands less than you expected and you'll never be able to make up that salary gap because the only way to make a lot of money is to already make a lot of money.

In the end, you'll be a 30-something wash-out with no prospects and adult acne. You'll be working for the owner's son, who's making 6 figures even though he never took the last 2 credits to finish his Associates at the local community college. In almost every situation you'll find yourself muttering, "I can't believe I need a [fill in degree attained] to do this," and even though you know this makes you sound like a pompous piece of shit, you'll be unable to stop yourself.