Signs That Your Rap Career Results In Shitty Rap

-You misspell “Clique.” Not because it’s street, but because you actually thought it was spelled that way.

-Half your song is bleeped out on the radio because you can’t think of actual lyrics, so you just cuss a lot. Which is boring and not at all menacing anymore because you know who else I know that cusses that much? My friend's 3-year-old.

-You repeat the chorus 157,000 times in your song. In fact, there never really were any verses - just chorus. Lots and lots of chorus.

-You’re trying to put places like Birmingham on the map.

-You were discovered by the guy who was discovered by the guy who was discovered by the guy who was discovered by 50 Cent.

-Your clothing label is only available at Miller’s Outpost and Gadzooks.

-You still rhyme “Texas” with “Lexus.”

-Your music is to be best appreciated under the influence of cough syrup.

-You ceaselessly talk about how rich you are on your first single, when everybody knows that musicians don’t earn shit until well into their secoond or third album. Interscope rented that Bentley for your video, so please – stop embarrassing yourself by tossing dollar bills out the sunroof. We all know you’re leaving the shoot in the same shitty ’87 Mazda you used to stalk Jay-Z in.

-Instead of making me bob my head, your music makes me want to roll over. And die.